I grew up in Washington DC, and at a very young age I experimented with drugs. I come from a very big family, nine brothers and two sisters, but I just didn’t fit in, even with my own family, and I felt so uncomfortable with people. I had very low self esteem. So I started experimenting with drugs really early and it gave me a mask, if you will, and I could do things like other people. It worked for a while. I never finished school. I went all the way to the eleventh grade. As long as I had the street smarts I could survive, you know, which was a bad mistake because the deeper I got into drugs the harder it was for me to do anything else.

What I used to do for a long time – and it got me arrested several times – is I would burglarize people’s homes and take. It was to feed my drug habit. It was to feed dope and crack. It got me incarcerated. I would come out and I would repeat this cycle over and over again for years. I got in so much trouble in Washington that every place I would go there was a black mark against me. I jumped parole and I ran for seven years. I just ran.

I was homeless. The A train was my living room and bedroom.

I went to a shelter and I stayed there almost two years. I stopped doing drugs, stopped smoking and everything. It came time for me to leave and it was the scariest thing ever because I didn’t know what to do. I had no clue how to live on life’s terms. After two years in that program I lost it in less than 3 months. I went back to the races and stayed high and drunk and started the crazy cycle again.

One thing I knew I had to do, I had to stop again. I had been stopping and starting forever. I found out about Project Renewal. They said that these people could help me. If you go there with an open mind, they will help you get what you need.

I spent a year and three months in the Third Street Shelter and had counseling in the OPD (Outpatient Counseling Department). It was control and it wasn’t control because a lot is up to you. But when it was time to randomly do a urine test, it was such a joy because I know every time I’m coming back clean. And I started liking and loving myself.

My caseworkers…they saved my life. I was a walking time bomb when I walked in these doors. Anything and everything would irritate me so I didn’t talk about it, I would just fight about it. They helped me to learn how to think and not fight. They give you advice, ‘Just follow this path and watch what happens.’ That’s what I did from the time that I walked in here. These people helped me a lot. I love them to death. They don’t just do this for me, I see them bend over backwards for everyone that walks through these doors. I see their hearts break if someone relapses. I see the effect and I know that I don’t want to hurt anybody like that again. I don’t want to hurt myself anymore.

After being here for a year and some months I spent a lot of time looking for a place and getting prepared for that day because I knew I’d have to leave here. I’m not getting any younger, and I don’t want to die in a shelter. I don’t want to die with alcohol and drugs in my system. I don’t want that to be my legacy. It was time.

Project Renewal has this rental assistance voucher. That helped me so much. Now I’ve signed a lease and my landlord is so sweet. In order for you to have this housing, you have to work for it…nobody is going to give it to you for free. You have to earn it.

The job came shortly after I moved out. When I was living at Third Street I worked the stipend program doing the breakfast cooking and prepping and stuff like that. There was an opening for washing the pots. I was so happy to get the job because I didn’t want to be idle.

My health is wonderful today. I haven’t smoked a cigarette in two years. I’m getting ready to celebrate two years clean and sober.
It’s so wonderful to be free. And that’s how I feel…I feel free. When I leave work, do you know what I’m going to do?....I am going home and I’m going to the Laundromat and I can’t wait…I love it…folding my things nicely and coming home and putting them away. I love my place. I wake up in the morning and I sit up in my bed and I say, “Wow, this is mine, this is life, this is wonderful.”

I entered a treatment program with no real intentions to stop using.  After graduating, I got a job counseling.  I was good at giving advice but would never take it.  I didn’t attend meetings; I thought I could take on the whole world.  I started using again; I got tired of it; I went into a program again; I went to detox, and I went to rehab; I came back out—over and over again.  During this time I lost my mother and my sister.  Then when my father passed I just gave up on everything. I went on a tirade to self-destruct and when it didn’t happen I got up and said, “I am done with this.  I want help.”  That was 17 months and two days ago.  Intake counselor, Victor Sancho, came and did a presentation about a Project Renewal program called Renewal House and that’s where I went.

Renewal House’s methods of treatment were kind of unorthodox and at first I was very resistant.  It’s like a TC [therapeutic community], but modified.  They address the true nature of whatever it is you are going through and I wasn’t ready for that.  I started feeling the loss of my mother, sister and father and I had no trust.  I was full of anger.  My counselor, Mr. Wendell Parks, told me, “You’re only hurting yourself.  I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m just trying to bring out what you need to address so you can meet it and move on.”  And that’s what it was.

At Renewal House you’re given a lot of freedom.  You go to meetings; you have to work.  Work is an important part of the program.  I worked at the Times Square Alliance (the BID).  Immediately I started receiving accolades from my supervisors.  I continued to work hard and graduated early from the program.  Two weeks after I was hired at the BID, I was promoted to assistant supervisor and I’ve been on that path ever since.  

I will no longer take things for granted.  I like how people see me now.  When I say good morning, I get a smile and a good morning back.  Sometimes in Times Square I have to step over people and so every day I’m reminded of what it could have been and what it can be.  Every night I sit in my living room and I thank god.  I look around and say, “This is mine.  I’m keeping this.”  And I go by Renewal House o talk to the new guys to let them know I’m a graduate and that they can do it, too.

I was born in Florida and lived there until 2004. It seemed like I was always staying in shelters, and going from here to there.  Or, I would move in with somebody new and it wouldn’t work out and I’d end up in the shelter again.  I had a child.  He was taken away and after that it seemed like everything started to fall apart.  I was using drugs and I was a heavy drinker.  I got so tired of doing crack and selling everything that I had. Every time I would get something, I would lose what I had. Itwas rough not having anything; it was rough being on my own.In certain shelters, you would hear people getting hurt or even killed.  If there were no beds, you would have to wait until the next one opened because someone decided not to come back.  So I’d sleep outside in the grass and hear all these things going on.  Finally I decided to come to New York to start over.
 
At the first shelter in the Bronx, the other women weren’t too nice so I would stay out until it was time to come back and then try to go to sleep but it was hard.  You could never rest.  Then I went to Project Renewal’s New Providence Shelter.  I started passing the different levels of goals they set until I got to the point of having my own room.  Then I heard about Project Renewal building St. Nicholas House.  I had been clean for quite a while.  They interviewed me to live there and picked me.  I was ecstatic!

At New Providence, I learned that it is important to have.  When you want something, and you keep doing drugs and it keeps being taken away, you’re not going to get anywhere.  So I decided this was my chance to build myself up and get strong enough to be on my own.  I came to St. Nicholas on August 8, 2004—a date I’ll never forget! 
The first thing I thought was, “Wow! They gave us sheets!”  That was a big thing.  Just being here gave me a foundation so I didn’t have to struggle anymore and I could say, “This is important to me: I’ve got my own place.  I have my own key.”  This really teaches you.  If I want to come in, I can.  If I want to go to a movie or to the store, it’s up to me.  It’s a big deal.  Some people don’t see it that way, but it is.

I love being here.  I feel safe.  I feel content.  When I come in, I feel okay.  When I walk in the door, I say, “Yes! That’s my apartment!”  You just can’t explain it:  You have your own place, you’re not moving; you have roots somewhere.  There’s a computer downstairs; if I need it I can use it.  If I need help with something, the staff will help me.  Whatever it is, they’ll find a way to get me the help I need.

Now I’m taking my GED and after that I want to be a nurse.  I’ve always liked helping people and now I am going to be able to do it.

I grew up in a nice family in a nice neighborhood, and went to nice schools, but when I went to college, that’s when I started to get sick. I was 18 and I was in my freshman year and I would skip a lot of classes. My grades went down terribly. So I went back home to Houston. I was drinking and my parents were trying to get me an apartment, but I kept drinking and getting thrown out of them. I’d go out and beg every day for money for beer and cigarettes. I would get drunk and yell at my neighbors, and I wouldn’t even know I did it. I bit one, they said. So I got kicked out of all the apartments and then I became homeless.

I went to the mental hospital because I had nowhere to stay. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. The hospital only paid for one month, so they kicked me out. I got a bus to New York. And then when I got to New York I was homeless, so I stayed in shelters.

I needed to go somewhere with more support. So I came here to Clinton on January, 18, 2011. I liked it, it was very structured. Since I’ve come to Project Renewal, it’s been really good. It’s really helped me. They help you with realistic, practical goals. And they make you stay busy. They are really proactive and they really believe in you.

I used to be on six medications, but the doctor took me off all of them but one. And I felt so much better. I feel so much more alive. I feel so much more like a regular person. More in touch with my feelings. When I walk down the street, everything is more vivid. Brighter.

I also go to the MICA group here. Do you know what MICA is? Mentally Ill, Chemically Addicted. We talk about drinking and it’s a really good group. I’ve also lost 50 pounds. They helped me lose weight. I hadn’t been below 200 pounds in ten years. And I read a lot more. I’ve been going to the library. Before, I hadn’t read for three years. And now I’ve read about 20 books.

Oh, I really like Anita my case manager. She’s really nice. She helped me with my medication, with my doctor, with Job Links. She helped me get my own room and move to the third floor – transitional housing. I love it. That’s where you go before you’re going to move out. Anita talks to me a lot about school. I’d like to be an Ultrasound Technician. And I’ll be going to school for that in the spring; I applied to three schools.

I’ve been clean for two and a half years. I don’t want to drink again. I drank for 8 years. This program, they help you with all the areas. Before, I was left on my own. I used to feel so different and lower and separated. Now I feel, because of Project Renewal, “You are doing everything you could do to get better. You’re sober, you’re going to meetings, you’re working, you’re saving money. You’re going to school.” I feel totally changed.

My name is Glenn Piper and I was homeless for 25 years. It all started when I was a musician in Philadelphia. The bass player in one of my bands introduced us to cocaine. We got so used to it that we didn’t want to perform, rehearse or go home without drugs. The band wound up breaking up because drugs destroy everything. To provide for my drugs I became a trash digger.

One night in 2005, I was going through the trash wearing only a T-shirt and a pair of pants because I sold everything I found. It had just finished raining. I was freezing, hungry and sleepy, and it hit me: I don’t want to do this anymore! I left my shopping cart with everything I found right there and went to the shelter. I took my first shower in 14 days. The next morning came and I said, “I’m feeling the vibe to go out there and use, what am I going to do today?” Something said, get out of Philadelphia so you won’t be tempted. I bought a one-way ticket to New York.

After 30 days at Atlantic shelter, I was sent over to Project Renewal. That’s when everything started to change in my life. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Project Renewal’s staff is awesome. If they see you’re doing the right thing, they really work with you. The staff treated me like a human being. They called me Mr. Piper! They never were afraid to touch me or shake my hand. Some people want to put gloves on when they touch you if you’re homeless. They never looked at me like that, never looked at me like a crackhead.

So I was compliant with what they told me. I volunteered; I worked. Whatever they asked of me, I did. They showed me so much love, and that made me want to do right. I wanted them to see me like I really am. I learned a lot of responsibility there. Within three months my caseworker said, I think we can get you housing, and after two more
weeks I got my keys and signed a lease! I said thank you lord, and promised I would be worthy of this chance.

After all these years, I never thought anybody would be able to help. I thought I was destined to be on the streets and addicted, and I was programmed to think that was a good life. Sometimes I look out of my window and see homeless people outside, getting high. I see them and think, that was me. The disrespect and everything that comes with it: I never want to go that way again. My family was always worried that I was going to die.

Ever since I started doing the right thing in my life, I see a blessing every day. I never thought I’d be clean for three years, not me! I’m happy today; I have my family back in my life. Every Monday and Friday my drummer and I donate our time for at least three hours in the basement at Third Street Shelter. We go down there and teach the guys how to play music. We play music with them and give them the encouragement they need. A church gave me a piano for playing with their young people’s choir. I’m playing shows, playing in a band, and I’ve written 40 or 50 songs. Recently I played with some members of Dizzy Gillespie’s old band! I started accumulating some equipment and I’m working towards a recording contract. I’m having the time of my life, yes I am.

I’m a native New Yorker, born and raised in Brooklyn. I have been a per diem Residential Aide at Project Renewal Third Street for over a year, and I love that I come to work everyday
and feel respected.

Before finding Project Renewal, I was spending a lot of time in the welfare-to-work program. I had health problems, I was on a cane, and I felt like I was going nowhere. One day I asked someone if they knew where any jobs were, and they sent me to Project Renewal’s Next Step Employment Program. I took a two-day class, which was all about how to get your resume together, what to say during interviews, and things like that. It was a small, intimate class, and I felt very empowered there. I’d been sitting in the welfare-to-work programs for years. Not to say that those programs don’t help, however, they’re very large, and some days there are no seats. It’s hard to get that one-on-one attention.

After the two-day class, I just felt so powerful. I really did. They gave me a certificate and set me up with an interview at Third Street. I used what I learned in the class during the group interview, and got called back for an individual interview. That’s when I did it, and I am still here today. Almost immediately after I got hired, I ended up getting another job at Planned Parenthood NYC. Here I am, a year later, with two jobs!

I enjoy this job at Third Street, I really do. Everybody calls me Miss B, the clients and the staff. I enjoy working with the clients and watching people from different places grow and pick themselves up and dust themselves off when they fall. I enjoy watching them get housing, and moving on with their lives. It’s a great program for everybody—for the clients and the staff.

As an employee, I have seen that you can come to Project Renewal
without experience, and if you can learn to speak up and present
yourself, there is a job for you. They give people chances. That’s very important. I never would have thought that at this age I would have two jobs, or that I would be employable. But that’s the beauty of it all.

I just feel very empowered. Maybe just getting out and not sitting at home everyday is what has made my health a lot better. I have something to get up for everyday. Not just that, but it’s so good for my children to see me up and about, because they’ve seen me through it all.

Right now I am content to have these jobs, to pay my bills, and just do my job well. For the future, we’ll see. I’m just very grateful and very happy to be here.

I started drinking when I was twelve, the year the Administration for Children’s Services split me, my brothers and sister up.  My parents were both alcoholic child abusers.  My younger brother and I went together to a boys’ home, and when we got too old for that, moved into the Y.  We got kicked out for drinking and smoking marijuana, and I joined the service. 

They tell you in basic training if you drink a little, by the time you leave you drink a lot.  I found this to be oh-so-true.  My drinking just progressed over the years. I knew it was a problem, but I was able to fool a lot of people; I was still functioning.  It got where I would black out, wake up not knowing where I was or how I got there.  Eventually I crashed and burned.

I ended up in a shelter – I called it the Brooklyn Zoo.  If there were no beds, people slept outside on crates.  I got into TORCH, a sobriety program at the Veteran’s Administration, but it was difficult to maintain sobriety because I was going back to that hellhole at night.  Not to make excuses, but there was no way I could stay sober there. 

One day I was at TORCH and the Director of Project Renewal’s In Homes Now came in.  The concept just made so much sense. You can’t expect someone to go to appointments when they are stinky, hungry, and probably didn’t get a good night’s rest.  You’re just waiting for them to fail because that’s what’s going to happen.

The first two years in the program I struggled with my sobriety.  The beautiful thing is I wasn’t kicked onto the street.  They were always there to support and give me alternatives.  No matter how much I screwed up, they were always there to pick up the pieces.  And I was still heavily screwing up. 

It seemed like nothing could stop me - not even getting my head split open in a fight.  I was drinking as soon as I got out of the hospital.  My younger brother took his own life. It really shocked me; you’re never ready for something like that.   It was always Wren and Mike, the dynamic duo.  That didn’t stop me either; in a way it fueled the fire.

Then my neighbor, one of my drinking buddies, got really ill.  I went to see him in the hospital…wow.  They said his liver just quit; he looked like a balloon.  His stomach, arms, and legs were huge and rock hard.  I started thinking, I have so many people on my side and I seem to be the only one against me.

I got a job at the VA Hospital and the people instantly fell in love with me.  They don’t judge me and have found me to be very trustworthy.  The job helps a lot with my sobriety.  I also started seeing a shrink and that helped a lot. I’ve spent a lot of crying hours; I’m not ashamed to say. The musician Lyfe Jennings says crying is like taking your soul to the Laundromat, and I really relate to that.

In August of 2003, I lost my apartment and my job and everything all at once, and I ended up in the shelter system. I was at New Providence Women’s Shelter for two and a half years, and I went through a lot of changes there. And then I got blessed and ended up at LeonaBlanche House. This was a very nice, very clean building. I had my own studio. I had a case manager named Yvonne Lewis, and she worked with me very well. I stayed here four and a half years before I moved out.

I was working on my sobriety and health and housing issues. Ever since 2004, I’ve been clean. They helped me with that. They helped me with a psychiatrist. They gave me different referrals to go to different doctors, but it was for me to choose which one I wanted to go to. They make sure that you maintain whatever medication you’re taking. They help you keep your appointments with the doctor, with the Department of Social Services or Social Security, and if you don’t want to go by yourself, they’ll go with you. You don’t have to do it alone when you’re in Project Renewal. It’s hard enough, and when you know that you have somebody to help you, it’s so much better.
           
Project Renewal helped me find the place that I’m in now. I have a beautiful apartment. The apartment is brand new, and the rooms are huge. Everything a person needs to get started they provided for me: a microwave, vacuum cleaner, coffee machine, lamps, blankets and sheets and towels; pots and pans to cook in, everything. It shocked me, because I didn’t expect it. Going into the system, I didn’t think I would end up in a situation like this, but I was truly blessed.

At Project Renewal you can say that you have a home. You can feel secure. You don’t have to worry. You can get your life together. They’ll help you: if you want to go to school, if you want to find a job. It’s up to you whether you want to change your life for the better or not. However, if you do want to change for the better, they are the right people to go to.
           
When I entered the system, I felt like I didn’t have anything or anywhere to go. At that time my family and I had fallen out because I was using. Now, I have my own place, and I have my family back. I spend a lot of time with my grandchildren. My youngest granddaughter loves to go to grandma’s house, and I like that feeling. I had lost it, but I got it back.  I have people that are in my corner, people that will work with me. I feel totally different. I feel good about myself and about my life. A complete turnaround.

My first experience with being homeless happened in Florida, when my mother and I lost our home and we both ended up in a shelter. I was pregnant at the time and didn’t have anywhere to go, or anyone who could assist me. I was able to find a job and housing for awhile, but it was very dilapidated and when a bad storm came through, the apartment became mold-ridden. I decided to try New York.

I was at New Providence Women’s Shelter, and then I came to Safe Haven. Safe Haven is a small setting and is different from many other homeless shelters. They meet you to see if you are going to be well served by their program. You’re able to find out about what type of services they offer, whether social services, medical assistance, or housing. You work closely with a case worker who assists you with entitlements. They want the conclusion of your stay to be that you move out and find a better place to go. That’s what they did for me.

The staff at Safe Haven are patient, understanding, and very attentive
to your needs. They assist you with your medications and any medical needs, which is very important. They really helped me deal with the recent loss of my mother. That touched me very dearly.

Within six months, I got a studio apartment of my own, which is where I am living right now. It feels extremely comfortable. It’s stressful when you have to struggle with being homeless and living in a shelter and having enough money, enough food to eat, and trying to help your family at the same time. Having my own place to live is a big change: it’s like a humongous weight was lifted off my shoulders. I’ve been enjoying the privacy, the independence, and the ability to go further with any goals I set for myself.

I am optimistic for what the future holds for me. I’m interested in improving my situation, whether I pursue higher education or seek
employment. I am extremely appreciative of all the help
I received from Safe Haven to accomplish my goals.

A lot of times people are faced with obstacles that dim their view, or they believe that they aren’t worthy of any kindness from another person. They believe that their world has ended. But it’s not always that way, especially when you have people from places like Safe Haven to work with you and help you get through those hard times.

In 1987 I lost my mother and eventually had a nervous breakdown.    I ended up in Bronx Lebanon Hospital Psychiatric Unit.  They evaluated me and diagnosed me as a paranoid schizophrenic. I didn’t know what that meant but the doctor explained it to me in detail.  I learned to accept my illness and not down myself like another person would. 

I stayed there for seven months.  I wasn’t sure I was ready to leave.  I even asked the doctor to increase my meds but they said “no” and felt I was ready to leave.

When I got back, I was going from place to place.  I was too afraid to ever sleep on a bench.  I was afraid someone would come up to me and hit me.  When I was on the streets I always kept my eyes open.  So I always used what ever money I had to find a place to sleep.  There were times I ate of pantries and soup kitchens but I always found a place to sleep. Mostly I’d stay in hotels.  Back then, my drug of choice was marijuana and alcohol. 

Eventually I ended up at Project Renewal’s Third Street Detox for two weeks.  I wasn’t on anything but it was really hard to find a place to live.

One day my social worker told me I was moving to Project Renewal’s Clinton Residence.  When I first got there I shared a room with another guy but after I was there for six months I got a single room.  At Clinton they had various groups—men’s, women’s, personal hygiene, arts and crafts and focus groups.  In focus group, we talked about finding a job, where you want to go in life.  I attended all of the groups.  Whenever I wasn’t working I was in a group.

I lived in Clinton for one year and then one day my case manager told me I was moving to LeonaBlanche House.  I’ve been here for almost four years.

I love this place.  So far, since I’ve been moving around, this is the best place I’ve been.  This is a beautiful place if you are a sick person.  The staff is great.  They’re very dependable.  They’re always there if you need them.  I’m glad I came here instead of just getting an apartment because I wasn’t ready for it.  This helped me prepare for the next step.

Since I’ve been here, they help me with my medications.  They help me keep all of my appointments.  They’re the reason I went to and graduated from the Culinary Arts Training Program.

It changed my life a great deal.  I learned a lot about myself.  I learned a lot about my strengths and weaknesses.  I would recommend it to anyone with a disability who needs somewhere to stay.  Coming off the street and coming out of jail, I couldn’t ask for anything more.

Project Renewal, they are life savers. They saved my life, and showed me how to live. I grew up on a small farm in the west of Ireland, the youngest of five. We never wanted for anything. My father drank quite a bit. I used to see my father and my mother arguing, and I would say, I’ll never be like that.

I picked up my first drink when I was 18 years old. I met the girl who was to become my wife, and we came to America. She always said when we get married and we have kids, we’ll stop drinking. We had a daughter and a son. I had good work. We bought a beautiful home in Connecticut. We had everything. She stopped drinking, but I wasn’t able to stop. I went to my first AA meeting around that time, going back 22 years, but I didn’t think it was for me. I was in and out for years.

The drinking started to become a problem. I couldn’t be trusted to be home on time, or for anything. The arguments started, and we eventually broke up. I ended up staying with different people here and there. I wasn’t able to work for more than a few days; I was a mess. I was going to AA meetings, going and stopping, maybe getting three months sober, then going out again. Then, my last three years of drinking, getting sober never entered my mind at all. When I look back on it, it was torture.

One morning I woke up, and I heard a voice saying to me, go do something for yourself. I’d never done anything for myself. It’s funny, just two weeks before, a friend had shown me the detox center, knowing I wouldn’t go until I was ready. So when I heard that voice, I knew where to go.

From the detox I went to St. Christopher’s Inn in Garrison, NY. After the 90 days was up, I knew it wasn’t enough. I had nothing structured in my life, nowhere and nothing to go back to. That’s when I inquired about Project Renewal’s Farm, and that place made all the difference. I surely never thought I’d be on a farm again! It was such a great experience there. Planting those little seeds and caring for them, watching the plants grow, it gave you an interest in something. It was responsibility. Then I used to go to the markets and sell the food and flowers and to see the people praising the stuff was nice. It felt good to know that I grew that and they appreciated it.

They really helped us at the farm; we had a “moving on meeting” once a week about what we’d do when we left the farm. We went to outside meetings and got to know other people from the neighborhood. The farm and the environment itself were healing. I used to love going to the farm in the mornings. You’d see beautiful deer and all the little
animals that you never see in the city. You’re away from it all. You have peace and quiet. That’s why I decided to stay and live upstate. A couple of days before I left Project Renewal, I was out with our wonderful manager Anthony driving in the truck and he says, “I’m always here for you Andrew, call me.” I know he means it.

Today, I’m able to look in the mirror and say you’re not a bad person. I go to meetings. I have my family back in my life. The first day my son and daughter came up to visit me here, they told me they’re proud of me. It’s nice to hear that. My daughter said, “Dad, it is so great that we don’t have to worry about you now; we know where you are.” I have a part-time job driving local, elderly friars to the hospital when they need it. These things are all I need for now. If I keep doing the right thing, the right thing will happen to me. I know that.

I owe a lot to Project Renewal.  In fact, I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for the staff and residents of Safe Haven who cared about me enough to help me make a normal life for myself.

I am an artist, I’ve always been an artist.  But I’ve also been many other things – a hostile teenager, an addict, an alcoholic, and my own worst enemy.

I grew up in Chester, a small town outside Philadelphia.  As a kid, I had a lot of artistic talent – my friends and my teachers told me I should be an artist.  I was in an art major/ college prep program.  But I was also mad at the world.  I had reasons to be angry – I’d been abused, beaten up, molested.  But there was also something else going on in my head that put me in conflict with everyone else.  I didn’t know it then, but this was the start of my mental illness.  So how did I handle this?  I didn’t – I escaped to drugs and drinking.  I fought with everyone, my mother, my family, I burned a lot of bridges. 

I decided to come to New York and take classes at FIT.  I was learning a lot and finding that my art had a voice of its own.  The work I produced amazed me.  But I still was at war with myself.  Drinking, fighting with other students, my teachers. I was hostile, feeling that the world was against me because I was a young black man, that they saw me as a thug, a menace to society.  My advisor at FIT suggested I see a therapist.  I did get some counseling, but then all my school funds ran out.  I became homeless. For three years, I slept on subways and on rooftops.  My family was looking for me and reported me missing.  But I didn’t want to talk to them – I was still mad.
I went to different outreach programs but no one knew how to handle me.  They were trying to help me, but in my illness, I thought they were trying to hurt me. 

At this time, I finally got a diagnosis of bipolar, schizoaffective disorder.  This means I am not in touch with reality and that I hear voices.  I started taking medication.  I had a girlfriend who tried to help me.  She was truly inspirational.  She suggested I go to Fountain House where I could get counseling and support.  They helped me find part-time work.  They helped me show my art in their gallery.  But I was still drinking and drugging.  I put on weight from the medication.  I became isolated and agoraphobic – staying in the apartment alone and hopeless.  Then after 13 years with my girlfriend, I just walked out.

I ended up in detox, and finally realized the problem was me, no one else, not Fountain House, not my ex-girlfriend, not my employers (when I had a job) – just the drugs, alcohol, my mental illness, and me.  So I got clean and sober, stayed at Bellevue Mens Shelter, then a halfway house, then I came to Safe Haven.  First as a day client – I could come in, have my meals, do laundry.  I started to connect with people – the staff and the other residents.  Finally, I got a bed there and my own locker.  The program just really started to work for me. 

What was different about Safe Haven and Project Renewal?  Well, for one thing, Safe Haven just looked nice – compared to all the other places I’d been. But Safe Haven makes you think about your next step.   There was supervision and structure.  I woke at 6:30 am, learned how to make my bed, take care of myself.  I learned I can’t use drugs, that I needed medication to keep my positive focus.  I finally got the right medication to stabilize my illness.  This was a down home place I could relate to.  This is what recovery was all about.  I met with counselors and support groups every day.  The staff were professional.  I looked up to them.  They were honest and they really cared about me.  When I told them I was an artist, they worked with me to give me space and supplies, to help me start painting again.  They helped me get back in touch with my family.  They gave me focus and said “Love yourself.”  And that’s what I did.  In one year, I worked on recovering mentally, spiritually, and physically.

My name is Noel Rodriguez and I was born in Puerto Rico. I came to New York at the age of seven. The first time I went to jail I was 19 years old. I went to jail, went through the system, came out and went through the system again. This cycle kept on going for more than 25 years. In a period of 25 years, I did about 20 years incarcerated.

When I was 17 years old, my girlfriend became pregnant. I wanted to do what a man should do. I got a job. But peer pressure set in, and I started doing things a man shouldn’t be doing. I started selling drugs, I started using drugs, and I started cheating on her. So I left her, not so much because I was with someone else, but because I felt she deserved a lot better and I wasn’t the one to provide it. The girl I was with was active in drugs. I became more involved in the drug thing. And the cycle began.

Most of the times I came out of jail, I had a grudge. I was rebellious. I felt that the state owed me. I did five years for selling ten dollars worth of crack, which I think is crazy, but it is what it is. You do a crime, you gotta do the time. But it left a bitter taste in my mouth.    I kept going back to drugs. Eventually I became a full blown addict.

The last time I came out of prison was May 30, 2007. I had lost everything; I was homeless. So when I came out this time, I had made some goals. I knew about Project Renewal, and when I got paroled to Bellevue I asked them to please refer me there.  Once the assessment period was over, that’s where they sent me, to the substance abuse shelter at Third Street. I already had it in my mind that I was going to do the right thing. But I needed help to get there. I realized if I don’t make a change, I’ll be begging for change and I don’t want that.

Really it’s very simple. Project Renewal will help you. The outpatient counseling program is very good. The Director, Doug, and his outstanding staff work with you very closely. They give you guidance, which is what a person like me, who has spent so much time incarcerated, needs, because they’re two different worlds. 

They will provide whatever it is that is needed on an individual basis. Their focus is that you have some sort of therapy to help you with your addiction. Because if you’re using, you can’t meet with your case worker. If you’re an addict, you can’t hold a job or keep an apartment. If you’re an addict, nothing is possible. So they are actually trying to help you help yourself, by having you address your drug issues.

Once you do show you are consistent, they set you up for interviews for housing that they feel is adequate to your needs. However, we do have choices. It’s not like, this is what we have for you and you have to take it. I worked hard, I stayed consistent. I have 16 months clean. And now I’m living in a studio in the Bronx and working and taking it one day at a time. I can shower in the morning, I can shower at night. The little things mean a lot. To do what the “squares” do, it’s a beautiful thing!

The most important thing is, you have to want it. So it all starts with me. However, Project Renewal, and especially the staff at the outpatient counseling program, gave me a lot of hope. For that, I’m grateful. I feel like I’m blessed.

I grew up in Harlem. My mother and father both worked, but they drank alcohol and they used to fight. My father got killed when I was eleven. I started smoking marijuana about then. I always hung out with older guys from the basketball team. At weekends we would save our money and chip in for marijuana. And eventually we started drinking. A lot of number runners, a lot of hustlers where I grew up. And a lot of people looked up to them. Because they had the fancy clothes, nice cars. And you thought that was the right way to go. And as I got in high school, I started selling marijuana. Even though I was on the varsity basketball team and was college-bound.

My girlfriend got pregnant after we got out of high school. She was about 19. I wound up getting a job, and I wound up hustling, selling dope, stuff like that. I got married at 22, I had two kids then. At 29, my wife died in a car accident. We had four kids. I was really close to her and I really missed her. I started drinking alcohol heavily every day. Still smoked marijuana, then I was smoking crack. I stopped paying my bills and lost my job.

I didn’t know anything about getting help. I thought I could stop on my own because I had done it before. But I couldn’t. Alcohol took me out, where I couldn’t stop. I was ashamed. This was when my sister-in-law told me that the housing office was about to put me out. It really hit me that I needed help. So I did a 28-day program. I went on 3/21/10. That’s my sober date, and I’ve been clean ever since.

After completing that, I knew I needed more help. I really wanted to stop using. I did a family program where my kids were able to come up and express to me how they felt about me using and all the things I’d done to them. How I’d stole from them. And that was real helpful for them and for me to hear it. So I was really dedicated not to use again.

I heard about Project Renewal’s Renewal Farm. I would be able to work on the farm. Get some structure, get my life back together. And that’s what I did. Project Renewal really helped save my life. Renewal Farm helped me get connected to myself, helped me get back to working.

And I learned a lot there. Patience and tolerance, working with each other. People would teach me things that I never knew about. Like transplanting plants, and seeding. You’d be surprised what a little seed will blossom to be. And it gave me motivation, because I wanted to see it grow. And as it started growing, you feel a part of that. And it makes you feel good, because you did that, and it’s mine. We grew lettuce, string beans, carrots, eggplants. And it was nice even when we changed over. When the winter comes, we have a greenhouse. And that’s where we come a little closer, because we’re right there together doing different things. This taught me how to get along with others and help others and stay focused.

Mr. Harrington and Mr. Gonzalez were great people. They see you doing the right thing, they really help you. And it helped me get back with my family. I was able to go home on the weekends, knowing that when I come back I’ll be tested. I needed that. You couldn’t just do what you wanted. They had rules you had to follow.

I took a security guard class up there; I was able to get my 8 hour certificate. They helped me get my finger prints and my background check. They helped me get my license and I wound up getting a job within 3 or 4 weeks. So that’s what I’m doing now, I’m doing security.

They placed me in transitional housing. I have a room. I’m working. And things are looking up. I have no desire to use. I’m going on 18 months clean. And it’s a great feeling, not to get up wanting or being sick, worrying about who you owe.

I feel good being back working and being a productive member of society. And being with my family. My kids, I love my kids. I tell them that I can’t take back the things that I’ve done, but we can look forward and go from here.